What the F*** Did I Just See? – The Uncanny Valley of the Dolls

When you watch as many movies as I do, sometimes you come across something that just blows your mind.  When this happens, it’s best to write it down and pray you never see it again.

What the F*** Was I Watching? :  Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2
What the F*** Did I Just See? :  A CGI baby that will be forever in my nightmares

This doesn't even do it justice.
This doesn’t even do it justice.

Despite never seeing a single Twilight film in its entirety, this weekend, I couldn’t avoid watching the final installment of the tween phenomenon that I still don’t understand.  For one thing, I don’t know why they’re even vampires.  You never see fangs and they walk around during the daytime and nothing happens to them.  I wish they’d actually sparkle at this point.  Basically, they’re just mutants, right?  Especially seeing as how they all have a unique talent; it’s like X-Men for stupid people.  But, I digress.

The movie is about as bad as I expected it to be, so in that aspect, not much was very surprising.  However, a stylistic choice disturbed the ever-loving crap out of me; so much so that it inspired this new blog series.

I am talking about the choice to CGI the face of young actress Mackenzie Foy onto the younger versions of her character Renesmee.  It’s frightening to look at.  About as scary as Tom Hanks is in Polar Express, but it’s pint-sized, which makes everything much more terrifying.

It’s kind of mind-boggling and a testament to just how lazy this entire series is.  Basically, every backdrop in any pieces of the movies I have seen are poorly rendered and obvious fakes, so it’s questionable why the director would even try to attempt to render a human face.  Child actresses, no matter how poor they are, would have been much less distracting.  If Full House could revolve around the poor acting of the Olsen twins, then Breaking Dawn Part 2 should have been able to survive wooden acting from a child.  It survives wooden acting from everyone else, anyway.

The result is a disturbing mix of the robots from I, Robot and some sort of American Girl doll.  I would describe the face the way Quint from Jaws would describe a shark: “…he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes.”  In a movie where Kristen Stewart tackles a mountain lion (IN MID-AIR!), I’ve decided to point this out as the worst, most offensive CGI, so you know it’s bad.

Still a better love story than Twilight
Still a better love story than Twilight

This is the uncanny valley in practice.  For the uninitiated (From Wikipedia):

The uncanny valley is a hypothesis in the field of robotics[1] and 3Dcomputer animation,[2][3] which holds that when human replicas look and act almost, but not perfectly, like actual human beings, it causes a response of revulsion among human observers.


This describes the effect perfectly.  It’ll haunt your nightmares, and you’ll be thinking about it long after you witness the giant middle finger to the audience that is the atrocious ending to this series.