What the F*** Did I Just See? – How Are the Acoustics in this Colon?

When you watch as many movies as I do, sometimes you come across something that just blows your mind.  When this happens, it’s best to write it down and pray you never see it again.

What the F*** Was I Watching? :  Rock of Ages
What the F*** Did I Just See? :  Tom Cruise sing into Malin Akerman’s butt

When faced with a nice derriere, there are a bunch of appropriate things to do.  You can carress it, kiss it, even give it a slap.  However, singing Foreigner songs to it is probably low on the list of things that should be done to an ass.  That didn’t stop Rock of Ages, though.

I made it through roughly the halfway point of the 2012 release.  I finally checked out when I was hit with a bunch of things that could have inspired a WTF? post in rapid-fire succession.  All these things happened in a pre-coitus scene between Tom Cruise as rocker Stacee Jaxx and Malin Akerman as a bookwormy Rolling Stone writer as they sing Foreigner’s “I Wanna Know What Love Is” at each other.  The whole scene is very odd and unsexy.  First, this article was going to be about the fact that Tom Cruise sings lyrics into her breast.  That’s pretty weird.  Then, this article was going to be about the fact that Malin Akerman’s tongue goes knuckle deep into Tom Cruise’s ear.  But the movie topped itself when Stacee Jaxx sings at Malin’s sphincter like Lionel Richie sings at a blind chick.

“Hello… Is it me your looking for?”

Granted, I guess this whole scene is supposed to be played for laughs, but the movie itself just isn’t funny, making this scene wildly out of place.  From what I saw, the movie rests on clichés that are more tired that Alec Baldwin looks, so if they were trying to be irreverent with this sex scene, it’s just odd.  Speaking of the good Baldwin, I was just informed that sometime after I stopped watching, SPOILER ALERT, he totally makes out with Russell Brand.  This is still weirder.  Ass microphones trump making out with Alec Baldwin.  It’s science.  Watch this mess here: