What the F*** Did I Just See? – Overly-Attached Don Draper

When you watch as many movies as I do, sometimes you come across something that just blows your mind.  When this happens, it’s best to write it down and pray you never see it again.

What the F*** Was I Watching? :  Mad Men, Season 6, Episode 6: “Man with a Plan”
What the F*** Did I Just See? :  A weird, clingy Don Draper

Don Draper is one of the most mysterious characters in the history of television.  You never know if he’s happy or he’s sad, but you can bet your ass he’s banging someone on the side.


The mystery is what makes him such an appealing character and has viewers tuning into Mad Men each and every week.  He’s a sleaze, an asshole, and probably Patient Zero for the HIV virus.  It makes him a great pitchman; the best ever.  But in a darker timeline (to borrow from Community) he probably skins the women he sleeps with and wears it around his Upper East Side penthouse.  This past Sunday, ladies and gentleman, I thought we were getting a glimpse into that darker timeline.

For those that don’t watch Mad Men, Don Draper is responsible for siring each and every member of Generation X from the greater Manhattan area.  There isn’t an inkwell he won’t stick his pen in and recently, the lucky inkwell has been Silvia, a neighbor and wife to a doctor that Don has been friendly with this season.  Up until “Man with a Plan” the extra-marital affair was merely an enormous middle finger to the exact letter of the Ninth Commandment’s law.  This episode, in classic Draper-style, he upped it to kidnapping and false imprisonment.

Now he may not have brought out the gag and ropes and chained Silvia to the radiator, but Draper has never been about force; for six seasons he’s never met a person he couldn’t beat up mentally, except maybe Peggy Olsen, and Silvia got the same treatment.  He treats her like a possession, ordering her not to leave the hotel room he reserved specifically for some hot, middle-aged sowing of wild oats.  At first, she finds it attractive, just like that girl you had a crush on in high school that never noticed you, but you told all your friends how much you liked her and that if she just gave a nice guy a chance once in a while instead of assholes that only wanted her because she could hold her breath a really long time in a jacuzzi and… I’ve lost my train of thought.  Anyway, it’s the type of behavior in a man that women can’t help but go calling for the deuce while reading Fifty Shades of Grey, but would freak the hell out if their husband did it because he forgot to get milk while he was at it.

“Johnny Bench called…”

Back to Mad Men: Eventually, Silvia gets tired of feeling like Don’s sex slave, regardless of how ridiculously handsome he is, and decides to end it; everything.  No more taking the elevator down to slip in the Ol’ Dick Whitman.  No more Drapering her Sterling Cooper.  It’s done.  And that’s the moment I thought we would see Don Draper kill his first woman.  Does any fan think that he isn’t capable of it?  The dude is crazy as all get out and the way her treats women at times can be downright sociopathic.  I could see him calling up Pete Campbell afterwards and the two would chop up the body while smoking, drinking scotch, still in their suts.  They would then hide each piece in another part of Joan’s cleavage and no one would ever find it.  If The Sopranos had a better hiding spot, I never saw it.

"Jimmy Hoffa, are you in there?"
“Jimmy Hoffa, are you in there?”

But surprisingly, he didn’t kill Silvia.  He didn’t even try to keep her there by force.  He just cried and pleaded.  He probably stayed in the hotel a little longer; maybe he played some Simon and Garfunkel, I don’t know.  But dude’s cray.

"I just got rid of Jaguar.  Isn't that what you wanted?"
“I just got rid of Jaguar. Isn’t that what you wanted?”