There are filler episodes and then there’s “Us”.  If The Walking Dead was The AvengersPhase I, “Us” is essentially Thor; it exists because it fills a gap.  Even though this article is about what I’ve learned, I didn’t really learn a damn thing.  Here’s some takeaways, regardless:

Glenn Would Suck at Oregon Trail


Seriously, when it comes down to going through the tunnel with a flashlight and very little else or finding a way around with Abraham and his crew, taking the former option is essentially fording a goddamn river that bites you and turns you into flesh-hungry river water.  It’s surprising that Tara doesn’t wind up with dysentery, after she follows him into that shitty situation (get it?).  She does wind up with a broken yoke, so I guess that his decisions don’t come without consequence.

Maggie is Going to Get So F***ing Pregnant


Glenn and Maggie are searching hard as hell for each other.  Call it true love.  Call it minimized options.  Call it whatever, but make no mistake: once these two get back together, they are going to bang so hard that he’ll have to be surgically removed from being all up in her guts.  My guess is that Terminus does not have a pharmacy, which means birth control won’t be on the menu.  You know what that means?  That means Maggie is going to get all pregnant and shit, if I remember correctly from my eighth grade health class.

The Claim Game Has Potential to Get Rapey

walking-dead joe

Picture this: Daryl and Joe’s crew somehow, somewhere, stumble upon whoever has Beth and whoever she’s with.  There’s a struggle, some people die, but Daryl and Beth are reunited and Joe or one of his henchmen say “Claimed!”  at the first sight of the pretty blonde girl.  Not out of the realm of possibilities, is it?  More accurately, what are the chances that this isn’t the way this story goes?  “Claimed!” isn’t going to go away; it is a basic fact of life for Daryl as long as he’s with Joe and his crew, and we’ve seen what it can result in when we’re just talking about a bed.  Imagine if claiming things had to do with some post apocalyptic coitus.  Those guys are not going to be able to control themselves.