Friday-the-13th-Jason

Continuing the recent trend of reviving horror films on the small screen, it seems as though Friday the 13th is about to throw its own hat into the ring.  How the adaptation will go is anyone’s guess, but to me, a straight adaptation of Jason’s usual hi-jinx will get old fast.  Instead, the creators should mash one familiar concept into another familiar concept to make a hybrid show for the ages.  Here are my 5 Mash-Ups That Would Make A Friday the 13th TV Series Super Awesome.

5. Friends

Best-Friends-Ever-In-Tv

Who was the worst friend on Friends? Of course, you answered Ross. While everyone had his or her little quirks and each could be neurotic, at times, Ross was the wet blanket that everyone hated (EVERYONE!). Let’s just replace him with Jason Voorhees and see how happy everyone is sipping coffee at Central Perk when one of them has a habit of walking over to NYU to add a sexy coed notch to his machete handle. This could even tie into Joey’s storyline, as instead of being a man whore, Joey is trying to find the right girl, but Jason just keeps murdering them.

Or it should be the same exact show, except two minutes into the pilot, Jason walks into Central Perk, murders Ross, and walks out before Rachel ever shows up in her wedding dress, effectively eliminating the least-appealing “will they/won’t they” storyline in TV history.

 

4. The Walking Dead

Ensemble

Do you remember when they introduced the Nemesis in the Resident Evil video game series? While the first two video games were groundbreaking in the horror video game genre, the Nemesis breathed new life into the series and gave gamers something else to fear, other than your standard walking dead. For The Walking Dead, that role could be Jason Voorhees.

The Walking Dead is an inconsistent show and one of its problems is that it can get kind of stale. Whether the survivors are dealing with zombies or other people, eventually, the show focuses on the characters and their “feelings”. Try dealing with that bullshit when you’ve got a machete-wielding maniac coming after you, you sexy coeds!

 

3. Dexter

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Before Dexter decided to be a lumberjack, he had a pretty nice life killing people that killed people. There’s a sort of off-kilter moral code in it, which made Dexter such an interesting show. What if, though, Jason came to town?
Dexter had the advantage that everyone he tried to kill could actually be killed. Jason, obviously, has a hard time staying dead, meaning the show would change. Instead of going from a new kill every week or so, it would become a Moby Dick sort of story in which Dexter goes around, trying to kill Jason before he kills more sexy coeds. At least, this one probably ends without a hurricane.

 

2. How I Met Your Mother

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How I Met Your Mother tells a really long-winded story about how one self-involved New York architect bedded a bunch of women for nine years until he found a woman that he married and had kids with until she died and he wound up with the first girl we ever see him with in the series. Sounds like a big old middle finger to the audience (and one hell of a run-on sentence), but what if Ted Mosby, Architect was actually Jason Voorhees, Supernatural Serial Killer? Wouldn’t that be interesting?

How I Stalked Your Mother would be the story of how Jason Voorhees kept pining for this one girl that kept getting away and he winds up settling on killing a bunch of sexy coeds each and every week. That is, until after nine years (and a few times where he dies and resurrects), he winds up at her house while only her children are home and he tells them the long-winded story.

 

1. Doctor Who

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Partly borrowed from the idea that the actual Friday the 13th series may involve time-travel, what a fun adventure through time it would be if Jason Voorhees wound up being the next Doctor.

Now, I’ve never seen Doctor Who, but I’ve seen Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and can only assume that traveling through time in a Tardis is a lot like traveling through time in a phone booth. 1980s summer camps can get pretty dull for any seasoned murder vet, so when he stumbles upon a Tardis, Jason takes the opportunity to wreak havoc on sexy coeds all over time and space. This means that he can terrorize sexy coeds from Egyptian times or on Jupiter in the future or in the 1980s, if he’s feeling nostalgic. The possibilities to kill sexy coeds when you can time-travel are literally infinite.

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