For Movember, as the guy in the next cubicle tries desperately to farm a half-decent mustache, we look to the greats for guidance. Great mustaches have graced pop culture for decades, so here’s the 5 Greatest Mustaches in Pop Culture History.
5. Charlie Chaplin
Chaplin was about half as funny as people say he was, and that’s probably because he only had half a mustache. I put this one on just because I bet people would call it an oversight if I didn’t, but it’s an okay mustache.
4. Super Mario
There’s a reason why Nintendo 64’s Super Mario 64 started with a closeup of the Italian plumber’s ugly mug. It was so you can manipulate his face, especially his soup strainer. This is the foremost mustache in the digital world. If there were a Mount Rushmore of such a thing, it would be three Marios and a Dr. Robotnik, but you could tell that they just kind of tacked on Dr. Robotnik at the end. This is the one.
3. Sam Elliott
Sam Elliott grows whiskers like they’re going to be the next currency after the apocalypse. Half his face is devoted to a pretty badass mustache and we all bow down to glory that is Sam Elliot’s stache. It goes on tour with Lady Antebellum and kills every fiddle solo. This is a country mustache; it smells like whisky and spits chew like the best of them. God bless it and God bless America.
2. Tom Selleck
Whether you prefer him as Magnum PI or Mr. Baseball, Selleck’s mustache had its run as the King of Hollywood for the better part of the 1980s. They missed a golden opportunity after Magnum ended to develop a sitcom starring Selleck and his talking mustache. It would’ve been bigger than Cheers. Because fuck Ted Danson.
1. Rollie Fingers
To outdo Tom Selleck in a ‘stache growing competition, you’ve got to have a premiere upper lip cover and Rollie Fingers’ handlebar mustache is the supreme champion of facial hair. It’s so glorious you’d think it only belongs atop a pennyfarthing (look it up, square). But no: Fingers said “Fuck this” and took the mound with that mustache. And he did it just to win money, because he’s the goddamn man.