Now that all action movies are either brooding Bourne clones or superhero movies that try not to be comic books, the one-liner seems to be a lost art form. Back in Arnold’s heyday, he was the master of pulling off the most cold-blooded, badass one-liners when he signed someone’s death certificate. Obviously, his best is “I’ll be back”, but I wanted to delve deeper than Terminator, so here’s 5 of his best one-liners from movies that aren’t Terminator.
5. “You’re fired.” – True Lies
This one doesn’t wind up any higher than five, mostly because since True Lies, it’s been co-opted by windy shitbag, Donald Trump. Still, True Lies is a pretty awesome flick; it’s sort of the last great Arnold movie of the era. And, dare I say, it’s Tom Arnold’s best movie? Sure, that’s slim pickings, but it counts for something. This movie is action-packed, completely over-the-top, and pairing “You’re fired” with getting exploded by a rocket is amazing.
4. “Stick around.” – Predator
This one is a short and sweet pun from one of the best Arnold films not named Terminator. Predator is a classic, and even though he spends most of the time chasing down an enemy that wouldn’t appreciate this razor-sharp (pun intended) quip, Arnold finds the right moment to stick it (again, pun intended) to one of his human foes. Add insult to injury to that guy you just impaled up in a tree, Arnold. You’ve earned it.
3. Anything From Batman & Robin
Everyone knows Batman & Robin sucks hard, but I will defend to the death Arnold Schwarzenegger’s performance in this. He’s hammy as all fuck, but he’s the best goddamn thing about this movie. History will point to how bad they made Batman look in this one (Bat nipples and the American Express card gag. Sheesh.), but Arnold’s Mr. Freeze is undeniably fun and stupid. It would’ve fit right in with the original television series.
2. “Let off some steam, Bennett.” – Commando
Honestly, what else are you going to say to a guy that you just impaled with a steam pipe? This is the perfect tag to that event, so if you ever find yourself in the situation, keep this one in the back of your mind. That’s all; the scene speaks for itself.
1. “Consider that a divorce!” – Total Recall
If there’s one Arnold movie that can truly be labeled “batshit crazy”, it’s Total Recall, which features everything from fetus bellies to head explosions to three-boobed alien babes. I’m pretty sure these were the first boobs I ever saw in movies, so that means I saw more boobs than most people usually do at such a young age. (Thanks, mid-90s HBO!) Punny one-liners are always great when it’s done to some nameless bad guy, but this line is so callous and so perfect for Arnold’s bitch of a wife. Also, let’s take a minute to appreciate some early 1990s Sharon Stone hotness.