PLOT: After getting fired from his job, a slick, fast-talking businessman is thrown into an elf competition to become Santa¹s next second-in-command.
First, I would like to apologize to anyone who clicked on this link thinking we’d be talking about the Simpson’s dog. Actually, I would rather watch two hours of Santa’s Little Helper running in circles than sit through this trainwreck of a movie again. To be honest, trainwreck is too kind for this movie.
I don’t know where to start with this boring, lazy movie. Santa’s Little Helper is another Christmas movie from WWE Studios featuring Mike “The Miz” Mizanin (Marine 4, Christmas Bounty), except he doesn’t hold back in this one like he did in Christmas Bounty. Right from the beginning, he was more The Miz than Mike Mizanin, which is good in wrestling but bad in movies. There is a way to be arrogant and cold-hearted without turning the character into a cartoon. His character, Dax, is played for laughs but he is more cringe-worthy than humorous villainous.
His performance invalidates the redemption later in the film because he doesn’t really change and the only reason he does is to get with Billie — played by AnnaLynne McCord (90210, Nip/Tuck). There is no sign that he really learned his lesson and he is still a bit of a jerk. For a story about redemption, the writer gives me no reason to want Dax to be redeemed.
While the story’s a mess and Mizanin’s and McCord’s performance are bordering on awful, no one does more to make this movie more unwatchable than Paige (WWE). Her character believes she’s entitled to the position as Santa’s second in command because it was one her father held for a really long time. There is just so much wrong with her performance, from the exaggerated facial expressions to this weird way she delivers her lines that feels like she should be winking at the end. She hasn’t learned how to turn the acting dial down from the 11 needed in professional wrestling. 
I mean… I just don’t know. So here’s The Miz in a monkey suit.
Reason For the Season Score: 0 out of 5
I guess there’s a love story here because there was no real effort given to develop one. The few scenes where Miz opens up to Billie are so inauthentic that I couldn’t take them seriously. The best argument that could be made is that his earnestness to complete the tests that he’s given is attractive to Billie. The only character development moment was between Santa and Miz, and that was even ridiculous.
Love Story Score: 1.5 out of 5
The only Christmas themed scenes were the ones in the North Pole. The parts in LA could have been any time of year. The movie was trying to convey the notion that it is better to give than receive or open your heat to others or some other poorly executed theme, but there wasn’t enough of a connection to the holiday to help the Christmas-ness.
Christmas-ness Score: 2.5 out of 5
OVERALL
So, Paige, how would you describe my feelings on this movie?
The Main Damie 