Game of Thrones has returned for season six, as if I had to tell you that already. Life in Westeros is never great, though, even this far into the storyline. It’s basically a story about whose life sucks the very least at this moment, which is what this power ranking will discuss.
NOTE: There are MAJOR spoilers in this article so please read with caution.
Not ranked this week: Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes, Yara Greyjoy, King Tommen, Melisandre, Varys, Jon Snow, Sansa Stark
12. The Waif
Not only is she dead (probably), but she ain’t got no face.
11. Blackfish
RIP you silver fox, you. You lost Riverrun (again), but at least you had fabulous hair.
10. The Brotherhood Without Banners
They had to pay for killing what could only be described as the happiest group of people in all of Westeros. I guess the Hound really took a bite out of crime, eh?
9. Cersei Lannister
It’s back to the drawing board with Cersei, as the High Sparrow once again changed the rules of the game he’s playing. Now that the trail by combat is off the table, Cersei’s plan of basically just unleashing the Zombie Mountain on anyone that stands in her way doesn’t seem like it’s going to work quite like she had hoped.
8. Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion done fucked up. He’s lucky he knows a woman with dragons.
7. Brienne of Tarth
This was sort of a zero-sum episode for Brienne and her merry men. She didn’t get the help of Blackfish that she had hoped, but she was also granted the ability to leave without being killed. And she got a sweet canoe out of the whole fiasco.
6. Edmure Tully
Edmure shows his worth by literally just taking Riverrun back from his uncle. He totally Captain Phillips this thing and says, “I’m the captain now,” and the men of Riverrun comply. That’s kind of sweet and, while he’s still a pawn in other people’s games, at lease he’s currently not in chains.
5. Daenerys Targaryen
She just kind of shows up with some dragons when the slavemasters try to invade Mereen. Weak storyline, but she still has dragons.
4. Jaime Lannister
Jaime is still essentially banished from King’s Landing, but he was able to pull a Trojan Horse against Blackfish and his men and take control of Riverrun. It’s been a long time since Jaime has proven himself anything more than a washed-up, one-armed, sister-sexing kingslayer, but here he shows that he can use some tact to get the job done.
3. Arya Stark
While her storyline has been more or less a complete waste of time, it’s finally good to be Arya Stark again. After a Jason Bourne-like chase through the streets of Braavos, she finally dispatched of the Waif (AKA Skinny Lena Dunham). I wasn’t a big fan of how this storyline ended, if it has indeed ended, but at least for the time being, we didn’t have to say goodbye to another Stark.
2. The Hound
There’s no one more badass right now than the Hound. He’s just chopping dudes heads off and taking no prisoners. He’s like the Punisher of Westeros right now. I’m still holding out hope we get the Clegane Bowl some time soon, but for right now, I’m going to take the younger brother cleaning house.
1. The High Sparrow
There’s just no stopping the Dirty Pope. Every time you think that someone is going to beat him at his own game, he changes the rules and makes everyone else’s machinations completely moot. It’s hard rooting for the Lannisters in this duel of wits, but it’s easy to root against the High Sparrow, especially when he just seems to be one step ahead of everyone. I don’t even think he was in this episode, but his power is still felt throughout.
The Main Damie 