I am beyond excited for the release of the remake of It, which officially releases this weekend.  I already have my ticket and I’ve spent the better part of this year (read: 4 months) to make my way through the novel, which clocks in at just under 1500 pages.

The book is massive, which is why it’s being broken up into two films.  Even so, there’s still some stuff that will probably not make it into the film, either because of time or content.  So, for anyone that hasn’t read the novel, here’s 5 Things That Probably Won’t Be in the Remake of It.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

 

5. All the Interludes

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One of the ways that Stephen King bulks up the novel is with a very vast history of the town of Derry, Maine, and the history of It.  The story goes that It pops its head up every 27 or so years to prey on the children of the town, usually culminating in some sort of major disastrous event.  For instance, in the 20s, the local Ironworks blew up during an Easter egg hunt, claiming the lives of over 100 people, most of them children.

For brevity sake, I’m going to assume that these don’t make it into the film, except for maybe in expositional dialogue.  Mike Hanlon is the one in the novel that divulges this information to the reader, but as a journal entry when he’s an adult.  Maybe these stories get told to the group after some research at the library or maybe they save them for the second film, but if they’re going to do the scenes with the children any justice, I just don’t see them spending a long time on this stuff.

 

4. Most of Richie Tozier’s Racist Impressions

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Richie Tozier is supposed to be the funny kid.  He does a whole lot of impressions, most of them terrible.  There’s the Irish cop, the Southern Gentleman, and of course, the black slave.  In the novel, the first part of the story takes place in 1958, so it makes some sort of sense that Richie isn’t exactly going to be very “woke” as the kid’s say, but If I had to guess, I’d say that the new movie, which brings the kids into the 1980s, will not have the kid from Stranger Things talking like an abused, fearful house slave.  The think pieces alone would bury us in digital pages.

 

3. Maturin

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The ending of Stephen King’s It is trippy.  In order to take on It in its true form, Bill Denbrough must travel into “the macroverse” to take It on in the Ritual of Chüd.  Along the way, in another dimension, Bill comes in contact with Maturin, an enormous turtle/godlike being that acts as the antithesis to It.  Like I said, it gets weird.

Fans of The Dark Tower series will recognize the name Maturin, as he makes an appearance there as well.  It feels a little more out of place in this novel, as for the most part, It reads like a ghost story.  When King decides to throw his own brand of mysticism into it, things don’t necessarily ring true.  Fans of the novel are pretty split on the finale of this book and arguably, it will come down to how you feel about how Maturin plays into it all.

 

2. The Universal Monsters

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Anyone with limited knowledge of It will at least know Pennywise the Dancing Clown, the villain made famous by Tim Curry’s performance in the 1990 miniseries.  What you may not know is that Pennywise is not the only form of It.  You see, It has the ability to transform into what it’s victim fears the most, and in 1958, it would make perfect sense that the Losers’ Club would be afraid of the monsters from Universal Studios’ horror films.  The Wolfman, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Mummy, and the Creature From the Black Lagoon all make an appearance in the novel.  That’s great for the novel, because you don’t need permission to put them into your book, but putting into a movie is a different story.  As Universal tries desperately to get a Dark Universe series off the ground, you’re probably not going to see them rent out these properties to the folks over at New Line Cinema.

Secondly, now that the children are put into the 1980s, they wouldn’t be scared of these monsters.  They’d see them as dated and lame.  Judging by the trailers, it seems like the new movie is going to downplay the shape-shifting aspect of the novel, but if it doesn’t… well, let’s just say they call New Line Cinema “The House That Freddy Built” for a reason.

 

1. Underage Sewer Orgy

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This scene… If you’ve been paying any attention to any articles that have been coming out about the novel as we approach the release of the film, you may have seen a thing or two about this scene.  You may even think that the writer of the article is being hyperbolic; it couldn’t possibly go down the way it goes down (pun not intended).  I’m here to assure you that yes, yes it happens exactly the way people are describing.

The last act of the book takes place in the sewers of Derry, as the Losers’ Club descend underground to take on It on its home turf.  Leading the way (in the pitch black) is Eddie, whom is apparently really good at navigating.  After the club takes on It and It retreats to lick its wounds, the unexplained cosmic bond between the children starts to weaken, causing Eddie to lose his sense of direction.  Lost in the pitch-black sewers, they need a plan.  Apparently, the person with the best plan is Beverly, who decides the only way to get out of the sewers his to have sex with all the boys right there in the sewer… the sewer.  Bear in mind: these kids are 11.  Sure enough, it works for some reason, as Eddie all of a sudden gets his sense of direction back and is able to navigate back above-ground.  I mean, I get it.  Sometimes you need to clear the chamber in order to concentrate.

I’ll say this: if you HAD to write a sewer orgy scene involving 11 year olds, you could write it much sleazier than King decides to.  It’s not a violent act, it’s not overly-eroticized, but it just sort of comes out of nowhere.  There’s no explanation as to why it works or how she knew it would work (especially when you consider the fact that she has a very limited understanding of what you’re supposed to do).  All in all, there’s probably a saner way of getting the kids out of the sewer.

Will you be seeing It this weekend?  Let me know what you think in the comments and follow us on Twitter and Facebook.  

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