PLOT: Anthology tells spooky tales, all centered around a specific holiday.
Every year, there always seems to be a movie that I completely forget that I watched. One year, I completely forgot to do a review of Blood Rage and almost wound up watching it again the next year because I forgot all about it. For 24 hours, I forgot that I watched this movie, which sort of tells you what kind of impact it left on me.
Holidays tell eight different stories, all of which are centered around a different holiday. From Valentine’s Day to New Year’s Eve, we have stories ranging from weird pregnancy stories to sorrowful tales of loss to Black Mirror-esque tales of technology gone wrong.
Frankly, I thought this movie sucked. I think one problem with this movie is that there are just too many stories that are being told. We have eight here, so that means we’re averaging around 10 minutes per story. I don’t think that’s enough time to fully invest in any of these stories.
The one I like the most is ‘Father’s Day’, an unconventional story where we follow a young woman listening to a recording her father made for her when she was a little girl. He leaves her instructions on how to find him after he disappeared decades ago. It’s haunting, sad, and very impactful, though the ending kind of upends the subtlety of the rest of the story, devolving into a CG monster at the end.
By far the worst is the Halloween story directed by Kevin Smith, and it pains me to say that. I went to film school because I saw Clerks and said ‘I can do that.’ Now, he does this shit. His story is just about a bunch of camgirls that get tired of their abusive employer, so they knock him out and shove a vibrator up his butt and convince him to chop his own dick off. It’s shot like a sitcom and lacks the charm of his early stuff. It’s also weird that he cast his daughter as a camgirl, especially given her abilities as an actress. This isn’t as bad as Yoga Hosers, but it’s as superfluous as anything he’s ever done.
There is a lot of garbage in this film. “Father’s Day” is the lone bright spot for me, and it’s ending really lets itself down. If it ended one minute earlier, it would be a pretty great short film. Otherwise, I can’t recommend this movie. At best, these stories are tedious; at worst, we have a guy in pigtails chopping his own dick off.
Overall Rating: 3 out of 10