Its time for…Why Do I Own This?!!  where we take a look at some of the bizarre purchase choices in our DVD collection.
By: Mark Myers

Movie: xXx

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Starring: Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Asia Argento

How I acquired it: Purchased it the day it was released…sigh.

First off, how in God’s name did this movie get a sequel? And who thought it was a good idea to cast Ice Cube in the lead? I would love to have been in that meeting.

Anyway, back to the (better?) original. xXx is a run of the mill action-thriller. There are Russians; They like vodka and techno; They want to destroy the world; They have a stupid name; And America (obviously) needs to stop them. So who does Agent Augustus Gibbons Sam Jackson call on? The CIA? The FBI? Seal Team Six? Ghostbusters? Nope, he recruits Xander Cage, an “extreme sports athlete”, who apparently is trustworthy enough that the government believes there’s no way he could be seduced by money or women. Thankfully, he is the one anti-establishment rebel who is cool with keeping government secrets. Long boring story short, he saves the world James Bond style, wins the heart of the sexy, eastern European double-agent (are there any others?), and kills all the marine life in Prague.

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Now the $64,000 dollar question, why did I waste $20-something hard earned dollars on this “film”? Ignorance? Naivete? Maybe. But the real reason might be that I thought it was better when I was sneaking off to see it while on duty as an usher at a local movie theater that we’ll call “Beagle Smentertainment”. But, then again I didn’t buy that abortion of a boxing movie, Undisputed, or the completely forgettable (Literally, no one I know has seen this movie), FearDotCom.

Let’s go through my check list. Hot Girl? Sorta. Good Writing? Haha. Good acting? Even Mr. Jackson mailed it in. Must see actress? No. So bad its good? Ding. Ding. This one definitely fits in this category, which honestly we could rename the Vin Diesel section. So I guess even mistake purchases have a purpose on your DVD rack: They remind you to rent before buying. More importantly, they give you something to watch with friends after you’ve finished a case (or two) of beer, and you don’t feel like watching infomercials at 2 a.m.

Recommendation: Watch it high or drunk, preferably both…on Netflix instant.

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