What the F*** Did I Just See? – Carrie in Cliff’s Notes Form

When you watch as many movies as I do, sometimes you come across something that just blows your mind.  When this happens, it’s best to write it down and pray you never see it again.

What the F*** Was I Watching? :  Trailer for the new Carrie remake
What the F*** Did I Just See? :  The whole f***ing movie!

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Trailers are fickle little things, aren’t they?  A great one can sucker you into a bad movie (Prometheus) and a bad one can make you steer clear of a real gem (Kick-Ass).  Then, there’s that certain class of trailer that, whether done well or poorly, spoils the whole damn movie for you.  I’m looking at you, trailer for the remake of Carrie.

I get it: Carrie has basically ingrained itself into the general lexicon of film history; most people over the age of 18 probably know the plot of the movie if they haven’t seen it.  But I don’t care.  If you’re going to remake this film, even if it’s a shot-for-shot remake, the ending should still be kept in a bit of secrecy.

Here’s a trailer for the 1998 remake of Psycho:

 

It’s a pretty good trailer; nothing too spectacular, but given the fact that it’s a remake of a nearly forty-year old (at the time) movie with one of the most famous twists in history, it still keeps the mystery alive.  Even though I know now that this movie is trash, this trailer makes me feel like there’s still something to see.

Compare this to this year’s Carrie remake:

Well, I just saved 11 bucks.  Truly, this trailer has hit on every major plot point that Carrie most likely has to offer.  Of course, to someone that has no working knowledge of Carrie, maybe it’s not as spoilery as I perceive it.  So, basically, this trailer is geared towards 13-year olds looking to get their hands on training bras in the dark theater.  Maybe I’m old and just bitter that I’m not the target demographic for Hollywood and haven’t been for quite some time, but alienating the rest of the movie-going audience by taking all the mystery out of a movie they’ve already seen done seems silly.  And if the argument is that you can’t spoil what happens in it because it’s a remake, then why remake it?

Then again, there’s the dark horse possibility that this movie is a clever ruse created by Chris Hansen and Dateline in order to catch perverts hoping to catch a glimpse of Chloe Grace Moretz in the famous shower scene.

"How old did her IMDB page say she was?"
“How old did her IMDB page say she was?”

 

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