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Synopsis: After a fatal car crash, a group of high school cheerleaders are resurrected through witchcraft, but with some complications. Now, they have to manage their new hunger for human blood while also exposing those who are responsible for their deaths.

If you go on Netflix and scour the horror section, you’ll be sure to find hundreds of recent films that you’ve never heard of before. Most of these are absolute trash, but every once in a while you get something that is a decent passing of your time. All Cheerleaders Die falls into the latter category.

All Cheerleaders Die seems to be the heir apparent of Jennifer’s Body, that misunderstood Megan Fox vehicle from way back in 2009. Most people seemed to hate that film, mostly because of a severe Fox/Diablo Cody backlash that was going on at the time; personally, I loved it, so drawing comparisons to that film is a compliment. All Cheerleaders Die doesn’t reach the particular darkness or satire that Jennifer’s Body may reach, but I can’t help but think of both films together.

Plot-wise, it tells a tight story, as long as you don’t question the black magic that’s going on throughout. It takes a little of a shut off of the brain, but it’s not unreasonable. The one major gripe I would have is that the opening scenes have essentially nothing to do with the main story, only coming into play for a tacked-on moment that begs for a sequel. That being said, I didn’t really think about it until the final moments, so it doesn’t exactly ruin the viewing experience.  While I would say that this film could have benefited if it had stayed on a more conventional slasher trajectory, I can’t fault a movie for simply not being the movie I wanted it to be.

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Plenty of splatter effects in this one. The girls feed quite often, despite the desperate attempts to keep themselves acting like their usual selves. It seems like a decent balance between CG and practical effects, which I appreciate, as I hate when splatter comes in CG form.

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Gore Rating: 3 out of 5

 

scares

I would say that this film is decidedly not scary, as it doesn’t take itself nearly as seriously as it would need to in order to generate a proper scare; that’s not quite the point of the film, though, so I won’t look to harshly upon it for that.

What I will say about this film is that it unfortunately has a very realistic villain in the character of Terry, the star football player and (spoiler!) the reason the girls end up dead in the first place. With the whole Ray Rice thing still fresh in everyone’s mind, Terry personifies the entitled nature that is synonymous with star athletes that are given the godlike treatment at such a young age. It doesn’t broach the subject of Terry and his shitty personality like a Lifetime movie would, but he’s just the right sort of villain to fit into a movie about a group of teenage girls. Of course, he’s a little more dangerous than your run-of-the-mill shithead jock, but in a movie dealing with the supernatural, he fits right in.

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Scares Rating: 2 out of 5

 

sex nudity

As this is a movie about cheerleaders, it’s reasonable for the viewer to expect a decent amount of eye candy; for the most part, the film delivers. The core group of girls are all attractive and the cheer costumes are markedly more skimpy than what I remember from high school. You also get a lesbian makeout session, a sex scene with some stunt boobs, and one of the leads walking around in her underwear for a scene. You don’t get an overabundance of fan service, so you don’t have to feel like you’re watching some sort of softcore porn.

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Sex/Nudity Rating: 2.5 out of 5

 

Overall

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All Cheerleaders Die is a pretty good VOD flick and at 89 minutes, is a pretty breezy watch. I’d put this ahead of any of those other movies you pass over while you’re searching through the Netflix horror section, but would recommend you keep an open mind. It’s not scary, but it’s a bit of fun and has some decent moments. If you liked Jennifer’s Body, you’ll probably enjoy this film, but don’t expect the level of satire that particular movie achieves.

Overall Rating: 3 out of 5

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